I don’t deal well with uncertainty. I never really have. Moving towards this homestead lifestyle is opening up a wide world of uncertainties. I find a ball of anxiety forming in the pit of my stomach when I think about all the many things we need to accomplish. Even though we have 5 years to figure things out (honestly, it is our lives so we can take as long as we need), yet still I feel overwhelmed most days. How on earth can we get everything accomplished in time? Where is the money going to come from? What life “necessities” are we going to do without, and what can we not afford to do without? How will we be able to afford the few things we will need to buy once we move?
My husband asked me the other day if I really wanted to do this. So many thoughts ran through my mind…
- Is he asking me if I want to back out because he wants me to be happy and thinks I am not?
- Is he asking me because he is feeling as though HE wants to back out and is gauging my reaction to his need?
- Should we give up before we put so much of ourselves into this that we CAN’T back out, only to find that we failed?
Ultimately, I believe the answer to all of these is no.
I look back at my life, and other than raising some pretty awesome kids, I think that I have not accomplished much I would call amazing. I haven’t even done that much that I would call difficult. I have lived my life in the comfort zone.
This is my amazing.
This is my difficult.
These are my true, outside the comfort zone, core character building moments.
We went to our property again this weekend. My daughter looked around at the bare land and said “It’s like we’re pioneers!”
I couldn’t have said it better myself.